Mother's Day Reflection

As I sit here and reflect on Mother’s Day as a whole, many things come to mind. The number one thing is being the mother of a child that suffers from mental illness. When I learned that my child had suffered minor brain damage from his birth my heart broke and still does today. Not for me, but for him. As this is a cruel world.

I knew how hard his life would be growing up being different from everyone else. I knew how he would be bullied by other kids because he couldn’t keep up in school. I knew how he would be laughed at when he answered the question with a wrong answer. I knew making friends would be difficult for him. I knew no one would ask him to be on their team during recess. All of these thoughts broke my heart.

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Trying to explain to him why this was happening to him when he could plainly see that his brother didn’t have these problems was even harder. I didn’t understand it myself. I spent a lot of time saying “why me God”, why did this have to happen to my child. My first son was a happy and healthy child doing well. What did I do wrong to deserve this heart ache? I spent a lot of time trying to heal myself from all of the guilt feelings I was trying to process and make myself realize I wasn’t to blame.

It is very hard to make it in this society if you are deemed “normal”, but if you have any kind of disability it is even harder. Those that suffer from physical disabilities have people stare at them and wonder what happen to them, but don’t offer any kind of connection, they just move on. In a few minutes they will forget. Don’t you wish you could forget too and be treated as an equal? I know I do.

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 Trying to explain to him why this was happening to him when he could plainly see that his brother didn’t have these problems was even harder. I didn’t understand it myself. I spent a lot of time saying “why me God”, why did this have to happen to my child. My first son was a happy and healthy child doing well. What did I do wrong to deserve this heart ache? I spent a lot of time trying to heal myself from all of the guilt feelings I was trying to process and make myself realize I wasn’t to blame.
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It is very hard to make it in this society if you are deemed “normal”, but if you have any kind of disability it is even harder. Those that suffer from physical disabilities have people stare at them and wonder what happen to them, but don’t offer any kind of connection, they just move on. In a few minutes they will forget. Don’t you wish you could forget too and be treated as an equal? I know I do.

Imagine though if you are the mother of a child that has a mental illness. You have disciplinary problems that again you don’t understand yourself. Problems that lead your child not listening to you, not doing as you tell them, and talking back saying some really hurtful things to you. Your heart continues to break, because the words hurt even though you know they have a mental illness and don’t understand how their remarks make you feel. Some days you are at your wits end and say things you don’t mean as well. Then the guilty feelings come flooding in.

As they grow up and become adults you watch helplessly as they try to work, but with their illnesses they are unable to get along in the work place. Then they look for someone to share their life with and that doesn’t last either. Their hearts just keep getting broken. They relive the ridicule they did as a kid but now they are an adult. It just makes them mad and they give up. Retreat and sit in isolation wondering why. Why did this happen to them? They ask that same question you asked all those years and are still asking.

We as mothers will never quit asking that question, but know you are very important in their lives and matter most of all. It took forty-three years for my son and I to make peace and turn our hurt into something meaningful.   

Clarice Gallegos / Founder of FOCUS Clubhouse and Mother on a Mission

Psalm 37: 4-5 Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this.

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