To say that this Covid 19 "stay at home" order has had me in a FRUMP, would be a huge understatement!
I realized, in its early stages, that not being able to communicate face to face with much of my family and all of my friends, wasn't going to "play nice" with me mentally.
In the early 2000s, I spent a total of sixty days in behavioral hospitals. Through my journey with major depression, severe anxiety and passive death wish, I've learned that getting out and mixing with positive, Christian-minded people, is just what the doctor ordered, and is what works best for me!
One avenue that especially clears my mind and soul, is going for independent pool walking at our wellness center. They are now closed! For someone who battles an unhealthy relationship with food, (like myself), this pandemic has created a "perfect storm" in my life.
Rather than using this forced time at home, to draw closer to God, my spiritual life has gone in quite a different direction. I've repeatedly heard the Holy Spirit tell me, "Now is the time" to dig deeper than ever before, in my relationship with Him.
I honestly admit that over the past couple of months, I have rarely sat with Him and His Word. My family and I pray together each night, however, I haven't spent much one-on-one prayer time with God.
Our daughter and granddaughter have lived with us since early November. Our daughter is going through a very ugly divorce. Her own demons of depression and anxiety have been especially cruel, since her separation and during the course of the divorce. It is one thing to deal with my own mental health issues. Even tougher than that, is to see the sadness, heartache and confusion of our daughter and five year old granddaughter. I can deal with my hurts MUCH EASIER than seeing them in such deep pain and confusion.
As a norm, before they moved in with us, I always had praise and worship music playing. I could "get lost in it" and this world would disappear for a while! Nicole finds it too painful to listen to Christian music when she's here. I have honored her wish. I've realized that over the past couple of months, I rarely put my music on, even when she's at work.
I am amazingly blessed to still have my mama and daddy! They are both eighty five years old. My daddy is extremely medically fragile and dialysis is required three times per week, for his survival. During this Corona crisis, I have fretted over not being able to make the hour and a half drive to see them and to risk mixing with them. I've truly worried that daddy will get critically ill and I'll be unable to be with him at the hospital.
My poor hubby must wonder where the aliens have taken his wife! I've not been kind to him recently. Some of us tend to take our "stuff" out on those closest to us, and he surely has gotten the brunt of it! I've been angry, moody, sad, anxious, snappy, resentful, negative, manipulative, overpowering, disrespectful, rebellious, stubborn and selfish, to name a few!
I haven't felt or looked like myself during this pandemic. I would imagine that I'm not the only one here, who finds themselves with increased mental health struggles right now. Be assured that each of you remain in my prayers. I wish blessings over you and yours. Stay safe and healthy!
This page has been dedicated to Members of FOCUS Clubhouse to share their thoughts and experiences with each other and our viewers.